The First Moment
The night that started a lifetime of questions.
The Miracle That Started Everything
Whether you call it a miracle — or simply a moment — what matters is what it set in motion.
Some people look back and see divine intervention.
Others see coincidence, timing, or chance.
This page isn’t about deciding which one is “right.”
It’s about recognizing the moment you didn’t walk away from — and how everything changed because of it.
Love Happens on the Ceiling
There are nights that bend reality.
Nights when the mind, stretched thin by exhaustion or substances,
opens up to things it would normally shut out.
I had one of those nights in the early ’90s — before Ann and I ever met.
Four days in a hotel.
No sleep.
Cocaine blurring the line between hallucination and vision.
And in that haze, something broke through.
I don’t trust visions.
I don’t chase mystical experiences.
But this one was different.
I asked for signs — and signs came.
Footsteps outside the door.
Soft, light tapping sounds above us on the ceiling.
A shard falling exactly when I said it would.
And the word I blindly pointed to in the Bible: Guardian.
Was it God?
An angel?
Or my exhausted, chemically flooded brain reaching for something true?
I don’t know.
What I do know is this:
I walked out of that room carrying a message that never left me —
Write the book.
A book about intimacy.
About couples.
About what love can look like when both partners are truly open.
The Science Behind It
Altered states & perception:
Sleep deprivation combined with stimulant use can place the brain in a dream-like waking state.
In this state, memory, imagination, emotion, and sensory processing overlap — allowing experiences to feel vivid, symbolic, and deeply meaningful.
Auditory phenomena (including ceiling sounds):
Neuroscience documents that people in hypnagogic or highly stressed states sometimes experience rhythmic tapping, knocking, or movement sounds — often perceived as coming from above or nearby surfaces.
These experiences have been reported across cultures and time periods and are described in psychology and sleep-science literature.
The brain, in a heightened symbolic state, may externalize internal signals as sound.
Symbol, meaning, and imprinting:
The human brain is wired to assign meaning to timing, words, and coincidence.
When meaning lands during an emotionally intense moment, it imprints powerfully — sometimes shaping identity, purpose, or lifelong direction.
Openness and intimacy:
Psychology recognizes that attraction exists on a spectrum.
Many people experience curiosity or internal complexity beyond rigid labels.
When couples acknowledge truth together — rather than hiding it — trust and intimacy deepen.
The Reflection
For years, I wondered whether that night was real — or just chemicals playing tricks.
But decades later, I’m still carrying the assignment.
Not to chase extremes.
Not to glorify lifestyles outside God’s design.
But to acknowledge a quieter truth:
Men and women carry complexity — attraction, curiosity, inner tension.
Pretending those things don’t exist doesn’t protect a marriage.
It isolates it.
A couple can face reality together.
Talk about it.
Imagine together.
Build intimacy out of honesty instead of secrecy.
Maybe that’s what the message meant.
That intimacy is bigger than we think —
but it still belongs inside the covenant of one man and one woman.
Honesty without betrayal.
Curiosity without corruption.
Love without shame.
I later read about others who experienced similar ceiling sounds during altered states — moments where meaning presses through consciousness.
What truly happened that night, I don’t know.
And in the end, it doesn’t matter to me.
I choose to believe it was real — because I want to give something back for the life that was given to me.